I’ve always worn a mask
Shown the best parts of me
Hiding the pain
Not talking about the negative
Shining a light on the positive
I’m the helper, not the needy one
I don’t like how this feels
If I’m going to give in and be seen, my guard has to come down, my armor shed off. I just don’t know how to do this yet.
I look around at my house from this point of view of sadness today and I’m mad at myself. I’m the one who is supposed to bring the life to it, the meals, the celebrations… where has she gone? Will she come back? I feel guilt and want to begin to pretend again. Who will that benefit? How long will this last until she’s back?