Saturday morning… the satisfaction of waking up thinking about something other than mundane tasks of a weekday morning routine. I woke up joyful today. Texted the kids to see if either of them could meet me for bagels and coffee? One answers immediately… he can fit it in before work “if you can be there in 5”. Of course I’ll be there in 5… jump up and quick get ready.
I get there before my 19 year old son, my youngest of 3 adult children. I order for us both and sit down in a corner seat. I mention to a friend at a nearby table that my boy was meeting me and he’s heading to work … “I may only get a few minutes, but a few minutes I’ll take” I say to her. Knowing smiles cross both of our faces. He joins me moments later and his smile fuels me for my day. He sits with me and we chat a bit, just being with him after the crazy work week I’ve had completes me somehow. He scoffs down his bagel in a way only a 19 year old can and gulps his chai… he’s out the door… off to work. Off to continue his journey… his becoming. I love watching this, I love hearing him share that he’s got to pick up his buddy on his way to work and wouldn’t want to be late because then delivery times get “screwed up”. This might all sound so simple and not worth mentioning, or blogging about for that matter, but I feel it is more than worth it.
What I’ve clearly learned over time is that most other people don’t see the world the way I do. I realize this is a daily exchange of many as a day begins, but for me it’s me watching the growth in my son, the learning of responsibility, he makes me proud. I find such joy and emotion in everything around me. I find that it’s the simple things that bring the greatest joy… small daily accomplishments all leading to bigger ones down the line. Don’t be mistaken… with this strong emotional attachment to the little things that I say bring me “joy”… the small things also rock my world in a way that other’s can’t always understand. I FEEL everything… and strongly might I add. The good and the bad. I internalize things and overthink them… is this a bad thing? I’m not sure, I just know it’s me and I know that I am beginning to understand myself more everyday. I have felt misunderstood for much of my life.
Sitting in the coffee shop after my son left was different for me, I don’t often sit alone like that. I sat committed to finishing my coffee and taking in the morning buzz of the people around me. I live in a small community so there were many familiar “hellos” but just as many unfamiliar faces too. Chit chatter surrounded me, I consciously worked at not pulling out my phone… I honestly wanted to “see” and be seen! I sipped and observed. I saw many so engrossed in their phone screens that they would need to come out of that trance to even remember where they had landed for coffee that morning. Others are “regulars” here and had friendly conversations amongst them. A gentleman sat alone in the opposite corner from me reading the morning news. Chatter across the counter while folks waited for their orders… I noticed one man who was so kind and followed each “Good Morning” greeting with “How are you doing anyway?” — A man after my own heart. He wants to know more, head lifted, eye contact, genuinely interested in how another person is “doing”. I honed in on one conversation at the counter that sounded a bit deep, they were discussing a poster hung up for a fundraiser for a local musician who’s battling cancer. The man who wants to know more asked the barristas how his battle was going. The response came from one of my favorite people behind the counter, his response was “he’s ok… but this just may be his last loop around the planet.” This resonated in me. I pondered that thought and knew I would write this morning.
I have not been turning to this blog for a while… I have been preferring my pen flowing across the pages of my personal journals…Yes that was plural… I have multiple journals around my home, always ready for me to jot down my many thoughts. This feels good today.
My coffee shop experience this morning left me humbled to be human. The last gentleman to leave the shop before me made his rounds to say goodbye and told us all that “Life is just a big wave… we are all on a tiny surfboard! Stay steady!” Peace.