When I began this blog I didn’t know what it would become. What I know to be true about myself is that I am a writer… I write in a journal, on the closest random piece of paper, or in a notebook (even in the margin of a book). What do I write? My ideas, my thoughts, my concerns… Who am I writing to? That’s the part that’s always been unclear. I often use it as a type of therapy, not really with a purpose. I often think about what it would be like if when I were gone one day someone found my writings… I guess I like the idea of someone finding these inner thoughts of mine once I’m gone, but not now… not with everyone at least. I don’t share my writing with many people, most people don’t even know I write.
Today I shared the address of my blog with a friend of mine. I’ve had a couple difficult days lately, and today was no different. I can honestly tell you that she rescued me from my own self. I was caught up in a negative thinking pattern and she lent her kind heart, gentle soul and listening ear to me right when I needed it. I cried and we became closer in our relationship because of my vulnerability. I was in a weak moment and she helped to make me strong again. I am finding it in me to write today because of her. She was able to look over a couple of my written blogs and gave me positive feedback. As I had mentioned, I don’t regularly share my blog with anyone (there are now only 3 personal friends who know about it). I just write. I feel like sharing my blog with just strangers is easier, more comfortable. I often wonder, if I knew who my audience was… Would I write different? Writing just to write is enjoyable for me… no purpose, no agenda… just thoughts on a piece of paper (or a screen).
And so today I write…
“Writing is an exploration. You start from nothing and learn as you go.” ~ E.L. Doctorow
That is what I like to do, just start with a simple thought and create it as I go. And when that quote mentions learning… boy do I!! When I write in my own personal hand-written journals it is often during a real high or a real low, never the mundane. When I am writing when I am upset I very often, and most likely, learn from it. It is as if I am bouncing ideas off someone else and hearing my point of view from another angle…it always helps me… not always right away, but always eventually. I eventually have an enlightening moment that helps me through the struggle.
Today it is raining. I am in the quiet of my home before my teenage son and my husband return home, bringing with them the stories and the chatter of a busy day. For now I am content. Content with the thought of opening myself up just a bit more and letting others into this often crazy mind of mine. I have a lot of ideas, a lot of thoughts… Today I got lost for a moment. But for now, I am feeling renewed, for now I will just share this way… My way. It feels good.
“As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.” ~ Henry David Thoreau